dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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