just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
