i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
