it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
