Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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