Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
