I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
