dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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