My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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