She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Did I show you my penis last night?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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