dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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