i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
