y did u give ur computer a hand job?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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