Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
