You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize