They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
