Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
