fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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