I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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