i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
