this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize