I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
