I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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