Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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