I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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