you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
