when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize