Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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