idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Do vagina's smell?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
