Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
