I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
