i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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