We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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