And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
