remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
babies were throwing up all over the place
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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