Duck Duck Cougar?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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