the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
