dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
