Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize