so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
