i just sent this text using only my big toe
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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