I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
