I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
