I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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