I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
