the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
