Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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