yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
