How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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