I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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