In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize