Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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