Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
