I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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