Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
True strength comes from lack of pants
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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