You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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