3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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