I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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