creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
