Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
