nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
