I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
