Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize