can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
