babies were throwing up all over the place
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
