is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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