did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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