"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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