Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize