I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
