so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
