So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
