Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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