Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
