? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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