why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i need to put some appletini on your dick
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
