Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize