just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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