so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
