So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
