you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
