so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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