I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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