so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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