Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
