I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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