I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
