She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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