If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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