too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize